Its not Expresso. Just sayin'
Espresso is weird.
On one hand, you could argue it’s more useful than the entire United States Congress — and I’d win that argument easily, in my humble opinion. On the other hand, hand a straight espresso shot to the average coffee drinker and watch their face contort into something between confusion and fear.
So what gives?
On one hand, you could argue it’s more useful than the entire United States Congress — and I’d win that argument easily, in my humble opinion. On the other hand, hand a straight espresso shot to the average coffee drinker and watch their face contort into something between confusion and fear.
So what gives?
Let’s set the stage.
The espresso machine was patented in 1901 by Luigi Bezzera, then commercialized in 1905 by Desiderio Pavoni under the La Pavoni brand (which, by the way, still exists — now owned by Smeg). Originally steam-driven, these machines evolved into the high-pressure, precision beasts we know today, thanks to Achille Gaggia’s piston innovation in 1938.
The espresso machine was patented in 1901 by Luigi Bezzera, then commercialized in 1905 by Desiderio Pavoni under the La Pavoni brand (which, by the way, still exists — now owned by Smeg). Originally steam-driven, these machines evolved into the high-pressure, precision beasts we know today, thanks to Achille Gaggia’s piston innovation in 1938.
Why did any of this happen?
Because cafés in early 1900s Italy needed to serve coffee faster. But it wasn’t just about speed — it was also peak Milanese engineering energy. Italy was on the verge of becoming an industrial design powerhouse, with companies like FIAT, Pirelli, and Olivetti kicking off a wave of innovation. Espresso was just one of many inventions born from that creative furnace.
Because cafés in early 1900s Italy needed to serve coffee faster. But it wasn’t just about speed — it was also peak Milanese engineering energy. Italy was on the verge of becoming an industrial design powerhouse, with companies like FIAT, Pirelli, and Olivetti kicking off a wave of innovation. Espresso was just one of many inventions born from that creative furnace.
And to be clear — espresso wasn’t always "the Italian thing."
Yemen gave coffee its soul. Istanbul gave it ceremony. Vienna, Paris, and London refined the café into a cultural institution. Then, finally, Italy showed up and said, “We’ve got this.”
Yemen gave coffee its soul. Istanbul gave it ceremony. Vienna, Paris, and London refined the café into a cultural institution. Then, finally, Italy showed up and said, “We’ve got this.”
So yes — espresso machines were built to make coffee faster. Mission accomplished. And now we have vending machines that serve iced mocha pumpkin spice oat milk frappuccinos with chocolate drizzle. Mr. Pavoni didn’t just invent espresso — he sparked the American obesity epidemic. Thanks, bro.
So what the hell is an espresso shot?
It’s a brewing method that uses pressurized water to extract flavor from finely ground coffee, resulting in a thick, syrupy liquid topped with a layer of crema. Done right, it’s divine. Done wrong — and it often is — it can be sour, bitter, or both. Which explains why most people flinch when they try it straight.
Here’s the kicker:
Only 5–10% of drinks sold in cafés are straight espresso shots. The rest? Loaded with milk, sugar, syrup, or whipped unicorn tears. Those things drown out the espresso’s true flavor. And unless your barista really knows what they’re doing, that shot under all the fluff can quickly drift from carefully crafted concentrate to sad, bitter base.
Only 5–10% of drinks sold in cafés are straight espresso shots. The rest? Loaded with milk, sugar, syrup, or whipped unicorn tears. Those things drown out the espresso’s true flavor. And unless your barista really knows what they’re doing, that shot under all the fluff can quickly drift from carefully crafted concentrate to sad, bitter base.
Try drinking that shot on its own? Most people won’t go near it.
But — hit up a good café. Order a shot of espresso and a glass of sparkling water. Let it cool for a couple of minutes — don’t rush it. Then take a sip.
If that doesn’t impress you, stir in half a teaspoon of sugar and try again.
If that still doesn’t blow your mind, I can’t help you. Maybe coffee’s just not your thing. Or maybe your soul needs recalibrating. Either way, that’s between you and your barista.
If that doesn’t impress you, stir in half a teaspoon of sugar and try again.
If that still doesn’t blow your mind, I can’t help you. Maybe coffee’s just not your thing. Or maybe your soul needs recalibrating. Either way, that’s between you and your barista.
Now let’s pause and acknowledge something:
An espresso shot, an Americano, a flat white, and yes — even that pumpkin spice oat milk frappuccino — they’re all coffee. But they are not the same experience. Holding a takeaway cappuccino like a cultural accessory is a different vibe from pounding a mid-morning espresso and savoring it like a shot of whiskey.
An espresso shot, an Americano, a flat white, and yes — even that pumpkin spice oat milk frappuccino — they’re all coffee. But they are not the same experience. Holding a takeaway cappuccino like a cultural accessory is a different vibe from pounding a mid-morning espresso and savoring it like a shot of whiskey.
Different drinks. Different purposes.
So don’t hate on the pumpkin spice crowd — we’re all here for different reasons.
So don’t hate on the pumpkin spice crowd — we’re all here for different reasons.
Now, how to pull epic one:
If you make a traditional espresso shot — we’re talking ~0.7 oz — most people will just squint at it like you brought them a mistake. The modern world collectively said, “Yeah, nah” to that.
Today, most cafés pull a shot that’s 1.4–2 oz of liquid, using around 18–20 grams of ground coffee. That gives us the golden ratio: 1:2 — one part ground coffee, two parts liquid espresso. You should get that in about 25 to 30 seconds.
Pull it too fast? Sour and underdeveloped.
Too slow? Bitter and dry.
Simple.
Too slow? Bitter and dry.
Simple.
And here’s what most people miss:
The espresso machine handles water pressure and temperature — it’s the grinder that needs the love. If your shots are off, don’t mess with the machine — adjust the grind.
The espresso machine handles water pressure and temperature — it’s the grinder that needs the love. If your shots are off, don’t mess with the machine — adjust the grind.
The Ratio Spectrum and other Italian Words:
|
Shot Type
|
Brew Ratio
|
Description
|
|
Ristretto
|
~1:1
|
Less liquid = more intense, syrupy, sharp
|
|
Espresso
|
1:2
|
Balanced sweetness, acidity, and body
|
|
Lungo
|
~1:3
|
More liquid = lighter, diluted, slightly bitter
|
So… where you stop your shot matters.
-
At 8 seconds, you're sipping an acidic bomb — all volatile aromatics and citrus, but no sweetness or body.
-
At 16 seconds, sweetness starts to show up. Think caramel, soft fruit, florals.
-
At 24 seconds, you’re in the sweet spot — rich, syrupy, and complex. Chocolate, baking spice, stone fruit.
-
At 32 seconds, you’ve pulled in the bitter tail end — dry, astringent, but potentially adding structure if your coffee can handle it.
Most of the flavor and volume happen between 8–24 seconds. Everything outside that range is seasoning — and like any seasoning, a little adds depth. Too much ruins the dish.
And yes — milk-based drinks usually use a slightly longer shot. Straight espresso demands nuance and balance. Lattes and flat whites need power to cut through milk. So baristas often pull them longer or with different roast profiles — trading brightness for body and bitterness.
In conclusion:
If you want to get to know espresso shots, find a cafe thats on top of its game. Or dial your home machine in to pull a ratio of around 1:2. If you are pulling a shot to create the base for milk based drinks then pull that shot a little longer to around 1:3. The added water through the puck will pull in some flavour tones that on their own dont taste amazing but really help the coffee get through the milk.
If you want to get to know espresso shots, find a cafe thats on top of its game. Or dial your home machine in to pull a ratio of around 1:2. If you are pulling a shot to create the base for milk based drinks then pull that shot a little longer to around 1:3. The added water through the puck will pull in some flavour tones that on their own dont taste amazing but really help the coffee get through the milk.
"Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special"
You're so fuckin' special
I wish I was special"
Radio Head. Creep.
Tom